Our Journey Toward Becoming an Affirming Church

A motion was unanimously passed at vestry in February 2024 to formally declare ourselves as an LGBTQ2+ Affirming Church!

What does “Affirming” mean?

• “Welcoming and affirming” is the common language that we in the queer faith community use to demonstrate that a church not only recognizes that LGBTQ people deserve respect, but also the affirmation that they are equally loved by God regardless of who they love or how they identify with their gender.” (Sam Briton, “The difference between an affirming church and a welcoming church is huge”)
• “Affirming Ministries are communities of faith […] that publicly declare their commitment to inclusion and justice for people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. Although Affirming Ministries make an explicit statement about issues of sexuality and gender, their commitment to justice is far broader. They continually grow and change as they seek to live more fully into God‘s way of welcome, love, and justice for all creation. Just as God rejoices in the goodness and diversity of creation, so too Affirming Ministries honour and celebrate diversity.” (United Church of Canada)

What steps have we already taken on our journey toward becoming an Affirming Church?

• September 2022 — “Affirming Church” is added as a standing item for discussion on the Advisory Board meeting agendas
• January, 2023 — Reverend Dana writes a piece for the News from the Pews and for her weekly greeting/reflection (“Tolerate, Accept, Affirm, Ally“) inviting the congregation to consider what it might look like to be an LGBTQ2+ Affirming Church. A drop-box is introduced for comments and questions
• May 28, 2023 — The congregation is invited to a conversation about identity and being an affirming congregation. 
• November 12, 2023 — Kit Woods speaks to the congregation about why being affirming is important and why we need to know what we are saying when we say we are affirming. That it is more than being a welcoming place. It is being an explicitly safe place, especially for those who have been hurt by Christianity and Christians in the past. A place where people can experience the overwhelming love of God that celebrates who they are. 
• February 25, 2024 — A motion was unanimously passed at vestry in February 2024 to formally declare ourselves as an LGBTQ2+ Affirming Church!

So, what now?

First, we have already submitted our name to the Proud Anglicans Website, a list of churches who have said they are not only welcoming for those who identify as 2SLGBTQ+ (2 Spirited, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer, or sometimes Questioning and others who may not see themselves in a specific category or identified by these labels), but a safe place. That is, one of the first questions asked when you submit your parish, would someone who identifies in this way feel welcome and would they feel safe. Those who maintain this list have as their top priority the safety, not just physically but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

One of the key things that we talked about this year and why we wanted to be clear in what we were proposing is that there is a difference between a welcoming or inclusive parish and being affirming. In my article on the subject last June, I quoted Sam Britton (“The difference between an affirming church and a welcoming church is huge” in The Advocate) who said, “Welcoming and affirming” is the common language that we in the queer faith community use to demonstrate that a church not only recognizes that 2SLGBTQ+ people deserve respect, but also the affirmation that they are equally loved by God regardless of who they love or how they identify with their gender.” As an affirming church, we honour and celebrate the diversity of who we are as God made us, and that God’s love for each of us as we were created. An affirming church is welcoming, but not all who say they are welcoming are affirming. There are those who say all are welcome, but still see some people as less than, or they are not living according to God’s will. In other words, “God loves, but you cannot be who you are or love who you love” So, in calling ourselves affirming we are saying to those in the 2SLGBTQ+ community that you are not only welcome, but we want to stand by you and support you, as a beloved child of God.

In addition to adding our name to that Proud Anglicans list, we are working on including some identifying symbol or notice on our outside sign, our social media platforms and in our bulletin and other publications. Some of this is happening immediately as you will see in the newsletter, and in the bulletin, and some of this will take time, like waiting for warmer weather to add a rainbow to our sign. This will also be a process of recognizing where changes need to be made and making them as we go. In voting to be an affirming parish, we have chosen this as one of the values that defines who we are and who we want to be. We are committing to holding each other accountable when it comes to comments or actions that are inappropriate, just as we do with Sexual Misconduct, racism, or other forms of prejudice. When we see or hear something inappropriate, we address the person, preferably in private. We are all learning and so there may be times when we say or do something that we do not realize is inappropriate, so we need to give each other permission to hold us accountable for our actions. Recognizing the impact of the first contacts that people might have with Trinity, a small subcommittee of the Advisory Board has been formed to look at how to best equip those people. The hope is to provide some guidance or training for all of us, but particularly for sides persons and those who represent us in their ministry, such as in our shop or at events like Carrotfest. In addition we want to identify “shepherds”, those with a gift for hospitality who can offer to sit with or shepherd those who are visiting or new. This can be particularly important as some people have been hurt in the past by their church experiences and may feel uncertain or even apprehensive when coming here. By claiming to be a safe space we need to do our best to ensure that we are, especially for those who feel vulnerable.  

We will most likely participate in the York Region Pride Parade, as I did last year with other parishes from the Holland Deanery (as we are more socially tied to Newmarket than Barrie in many cases). Our presence at events like this can speak volumes to those who have been hurt or who are seeking a safe space. I remember being there last year and the way people thanked us for our participation, for demonstrating a different Christian perspective than the one often portrayed.

This is also a reminder that we need to be prepared for negative feedback or backlash. There will be those who see our decision as unchristian or inconsistent with their understanding of Christian values and beliefs. Part of being an affirming parish is standing with those who have been rejected and hurt by Christians and Christian Churches and that means being willing to stand in the place of pain with them and potentially experience it ourselves.

I believe we have taken a bold and faithful step forward, but our vote on Sunday is just the beginning of our journey and there will be much to learn, and more steps along the way as we continue to grow in our understanding and practice as an affirming parish. But as I said on Sunday in a Facebook post after Vestry, this was for me a sign of God’s love in action. Let us continue to love others as God has loved us, demonstrating God’s love in word and action.